200+ Guitar Jokes & Puns That Are Actually Funny

So, you decided to search for some of the best guitar jokes and puns to have a few laughs?

Well, let me you, you’ve come to the right place!

We finally decided to create a list of the best jokes that are at the very least: “potentially funny and relatable.”

Learning to play guitar shouldn’t always be about spending countless hours studying a practicing your skills.

While it might seem contradictive at first, many instructors actually recommend you take breaks from time to time to let your muscles rest and recover.

This could be the perfect way to do so and still not feel guilty about not playing your guitar.

Best Funny Guitar Puns

A pun is a joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words that sound alike but have different meanings.

These are some of the best guitar puns out there, that are mildly funny:

• “It’s your birthday?” Guit outta here.
• Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering A minor.
• Why couldn’t the fisherman play his guitar? Because he lost his tuna.
• I bought a guitar the other day but it doesn’t work. Guess I should’ve known when the seller said no strings attached.
• “Nice guitar, is it a strat?” “Did you just assume my Fender?”
• I insulted my wife’s new telecaster. I knew that would off-Fender.
• U2’s first few albums have been remastered without the guitars on them. It certainly takes the Edge off them.
• Just had a guy threaten to attack me with the neck of a guitar. I asked him, “Is that a fret?”
• Dracula with a guitar: “Anyvays here’s vondervall.”
• Why can’t Woody play his guitar? He doesn’t know where his Pixar.
• What do you call a guitar that never finishes a job? A quitar.
• I used to hate my guitar lessons I always fretted going to them.
• A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar. I replied, “Is that a fret?”
• How can you tell a guitarist is worried? He frets a lot.
• I always write sad music with my guitar I guess that’s why they call it a fretboard.
• Did you hear about the European country ruled by small guitars? I think it’s called Uke-reign.
• What do you call a guitar moving? Walk and roll.
• Free air guitar to the first person who will contact me. No strings attached.
• I messed up during a guitar recital. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but it turned out to A Major mistake.
• What do you call a female police officer who plays the guitar? SHE RIFF.
• Every time I see a white guy with a guitar at a party I ask myself… I Wonderwall he’s going to play?
• Why was the guitarist late for work? He got caught in a jam.
• I’m so sick of people thinking they can just waltz into my room when I’m listening to music in 4/4.
• How do you tell if a guitar shop is shady? The employees tell you “There are no strings attached.”
• Why was the guitar player arrested? Because they got in treble!

Best Jokes About Guitar Players

Sometimes we should not only make fun of things that happen to guitarists, but we must also make fun of ourselves.

Here are some of the best jokes about guitar players:

Note: Some of them are really bad! 😂

• What is the definition of an optimist? A guitar player with a business card.
• Hi, I’m here to tune your guitar. I didn’t call a guitar tuner. Yeah, I know, but the neighbors called.
• How does a guitar player show up for practice? Drunk and late as usual.
• How can you tell when your guitarist is out of tune? His hand starts moving.
• What do you call a guitarist that never finishes a job? A guitar.
• What does it mean when a guitar player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? The stage is level.
• What’s the difference between a guitar & a ukulele? It only takes you half as long to burn a ukulele.
• How do you know it’s a guitarist at the door? He starts arguing with the door.
• Did you hear about the guitar player that was stressed? He was strung out!
• How many “deadheads” does it take to change a light bulb? They don’t change it. They just wait for it to burn out, and then they follow it around for 30 years.
• Why are so many guitar players jokes one-liners? So the rest of the band can understand them.
• What does the radio host say to their guitar every night? Stay tuned!
• What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a guitarist? A tattoo.
• What does a guitar player say when he gets to his gig? – Would you like fries with that?
• How do you get a million dollars? Start with 2 million and try to make a living playing the guitar.
• What do you call a guitar player with half a brain? Gifted.
• Why do guitarists tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
• How does a guitar player show up for practice? Drunk and late as usual.
• What’s the difference between an extra-large pizza and a guitar player? The pizza will feed a family of four.
• Do you know what’s the difference between a guitarist and a sofa? The sofa can support a family.
• How does a guitar player change a light bulb? He lies on the bed so that the room is spinning around it.
• Why was the amplifier invented? So the guitarist would have a place to put his beer.
• A young child told his mother “When I grow up I’m going to be a guitarist.” His mother responded, “Well honey, you know you can’t do both.”
• What’s the definition of an optimist? A guitarist with a mortgage.
• How do you make a guitar player’s car more aerodynamic? Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof.
• What do you call a bunch of guitarists in a hot tub? Vegetable soup.
• What do a guitar and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
• A man asks the devil: “How much does it cost to be the greatest guitar player in the world?” The devil says: “Give me your soul.”
• What do you call a deadhead that just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.
• What’s the first thing a guitarist says when he knocks on your door? “Pizza!”
• You know I really want a new guitar. But for now, I’m too baroque.
• How does a guitarist greet another guitarist? “I’m better than you”
• How many guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to change the bulb and four to tell you how much better they would have done it.
• I’m learning guitar and I asked my dad if he had any song requests. He replied, “Can you play far far away?”
• What do you call a successful guitarist? A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.
• How did the guitarist break his neck? He ran his pickup into the bridge and broke his neck.
• How do you know someone’s a really good guitarist? He’ll tell you!
• What did the guitarist do when he wanted to turn his amp on? He caressed it slowly and told it that he loved it.
• How do you make a guitarist turn his amp down? Put the sheet music in front of him.
• What’s black and blue and laying in a ditch? A guitarist who’s told too many drummer jokes.
• What did the guitar say to the guitarist? Pick on someone your own size!
• Why did they call the new guy the prison guitarist? He was always behind a few bars and can never find the right keys.
• What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend? Homeless.
• How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? Twenty. One to change the bulb and nineteen to say, “Not bad, but I could’ve done better”.
• How do you make a guitarist’s eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in his ear.
• How do you reduce wind drag on a guitarist’s car? Take the Domino’s Pizza sign off the roof.
• How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1000. 1 to do it and 999 to say I could have done that.
• What’s the difference between a guitarist and God? God doesn’t think he’s a guitarist.
• How do you know someone’s a really good guitarist? He’ll tell you!.
• What’s the difference between a deadbeat and a guitarist? Nothing.
• What’s the difference between a guitar and a trampoline? You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.
• What’s the difference between a guitar player and a Porsche? Most musicians have never been a Porsche.

Now, make sure that you also watch this video by Music Is Win!

Guitar Puns

While some of the guitar puns that he mentions are already in this post, it’s very funny to actually hear somebody like him telling the jokes and include visuals and pictures.

In some cases, the video makes the jokes 10x funnier than they actually are.

Guitar jokes mentioning electric guitars

• What’s the difference between a lawnmower and an electric guitar? You can tune a lawnmower.
• Why is an electric guitar like a SCUD missile? Each is offensive and inaccurate.
• If you drop an electric guitar player and a watermelon off a tall building, which would hit the ground first? Who cares?
• How do you get two electric guitar players to play in perfect unison? Shoot one of them.
• How do you make a chain saw sound like an electric guitar? Add vibrato.
• Why does an electric guitar player leave his case on the dashboard? So he can park in the handicapped zone.
• How many electric guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to change it and four to discuss how Eric Clapton would have done it.
• If you took all the electric guitar players in the world and laid them end-to-end, it would be a heck of a good idea.
• What’s the difference between an electric guitar and an acoustic guitar? The electric guitar burns longer.
• What do vacuum cleaners and electric guitars have in common? When you plug them in, they suck.
• How many bluegrass players does it take to change a light bulb? None. They won’t touch anything electric.
• How do you get an electric guitarist to turn down his amp? Put a piece of sheet music in front of him.
• What’s the difference between an electric guitar and a trampoline? You remove your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.
• What do you call an “in-tune electric guitar”? An oxymoron.
• What’s the difference between an electric guitar and an onion? No one cries when you cut up an electric guitar.
• What is the first sign you’re hallucinating? Two electric guitar players are playing in tune.
• What do you call a “clean shot”? When you can throw an electric guitar into the toilet without hitting the seat.
• How do you tell if an electric guitar is out of tune? If the strings are vibrating.
• How do you make an electric guitar sound like an acoustic guitar? Sit in the back and don’t play.
• What do you call two electric guitarists trying to play in unison? Counterpoint.
• What’s the range for an electric guitar? About 20 yards if you have a good arm.
• How do you make an electric guitar sound like an acoustic guitar? Sit in the back and don’t play.
• If you drop an electric guitar player and a guitar off a tall building, which would hit the ground first? – “Who cares?”

Guitar Jokes

Guitar jokes mentioning lead guitarists

• Why do lead guitarists walk around the stage when they play? To get away from the sound.
• How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just steal somebody else’s light.
• How does a lead guitarist change a light bulb? He holds it and the world revolves around him.
• How do you make a lead guitarist slow down? Put a piece of sheet music in front of him.
• What’s the difference between a lead guitarist and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
• What’s the definition of a minor second? Two lead guitarists playing in unison.

Guitar jokes mentioning bass guitars

Let’s get a little bit more specific now and see what people are joking about when it comes to bass players and bass guitars.

The next few jokes are some of the most popular and used bass player jokes and puns on the internet:

• My friends and I have achieved the level of Led Zeppelin’s members in musicianship. The drummer plays the drums like Jimmy Page, the guitarist plays the guitar like John Bonham, the bassist plays the bass like Robert Plant and I sing like John Paul Jones.
• Something a guitarist would never say: “Man, I really would rather be a bass player.”
• A bass guitar and an oboe had an affair. It was very low-key.
• Why don’t bass players tell blonde jokes? They don’t understand them.
• How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The lead player can do it with his teeth.
• How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? It doesn’t matter, bass players are never in the light anyway.
• What has a neck but no head? A bass.
• Imma slap the F out of you… said the bass player to his bass guitar.
• Why don’t bass players like dating guitar players? Too much treble.
• Why can’t bass players get through a door? He either can’t find the key, or he doesn’t know when to come in!
• What kind of fish plays the guitar? Bassist.
• What do you call a bass player with a job? The pizza delivery boy.
• Why did Darth Vader search the guitar shop? To find the hidden rebel bass.
• What’s the difference between a bass and an onion? Nobody cries when you chop up a bass.
• How do you know when there’s a bass guitarist at the door? He doesn’t know when to come in.
• What do you do with a bad guitar player? You give them a bass.
• Why did the bass player get angry with the lead guitarist? The lead guitarist turned a string and wouldn’t say which one.
• What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A bass player.
• How does a guitarist protect his guitar from being stolen? He stores it in a bass case.

Guitar jokes mentioning teachers

• My guitar teacher was a magician turned artist. He would always start our lessons with, “Pick a chord, any chord”
• Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class? To reach the high notes.
• Why did the guitar teacher get fired? Because of fingering A minor.
• Where did the guitar teacher leave his keys? On his guitar.

Guitar jokes mentioning rock music

• Why do electricians hate rock music? Too many power chords.
• Why did the rock star put his guitar in the fridge? Because he wanted to play cool music.
• What would you call a progressive rock band that plays psychedelic Spanish guitar on your front lawn? Pink Flamenco.
• What’s the difference between Rock music and a machine gun? The machine gun only repeats 10 times per second.
• Did you hear about that crook that was stealing guitars from classic rock stars? He was locked up for petty thievery.
• What rock band has four guys that don’t sing? Mount Rushmore.
• What is the perfect weight for a punk rock guitarist? 3 and a half pounds including the urn.
• A friend is in a sea-themed rock band. He’s going to tuna guitar.

Guitar jokes mentioning Jazz

• Two jazz guitarists meet in a bar, and one says, “Yeah man, I bought your last album, it was awesome!” to which the other replies, “Oh so that was you!”.
• What is the difference between a rock guitarist, and a jazz guitarist? One plays three chords in front of thousands of people, the other plays thousands of chords in front of three people.
• What do you say to a jazz guitarist at work? Big Mac and large fries, please!
• What’s the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist? A rock guitarist plays 3 chords in front of 3000 people, and a jazz guitarist plays 3000 chords in front of 3 people.
• What’s the difference between a Jazz guitarist and a large pizza? The pizza can feed a family of 4.

Best guitar jokes mentioning chords

• A professional store guitar player? Play “Smoke on the Water.”
• Middle C, Em-flat, and G walk into a bar. “Sorry,” the bartender says to the Em-flat, “We don’t serve minors here.”
• What do you call a guitar player who only knows two chords? A music critic.
• What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit? BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA.
• What is Beethoven doing now? De-composing.
• How do you invite a guitar musician to a party? Chordially.
• What’s God’s favorite guitar chord? Gsus.
• I really like guitars They just strike a chord with me.
• What’s worse than telling jokes about guitarists? Laughing at ’em.
• What do you get when you put a diminished chord together with an augmented chord? A demented chord.

Here another video that you should definitely watch, again by Music Is Win.

It looks like he’s the only one uploading guitar jokes on YouTube!

Guitar Jokes That Are Actually Funny

Guitar jokes mentioning artists, musicians, or songs

• How many guitarists does it take to play ‘Stairway to Heaven’? Apparently all of them.
• What’s green and sings? Elvis Parsley.
• Which elf was the best singer? ELFis Presley.
• Why did Mozart kill his chickens? Because they always ran around going “Bach! Bach! Bach!”
• Which composer likes tea the most? Chai-kovsky.
• Does Freddie know how to play guitar? No, but Brian may.
• Which concert only costs 45 cents? A concert featuring Nickelback and 50 Cent!
• What does a guitarist think of when meeting their inlaws? Hiiiiiighway to hell.
• What do Eric Clapton and black coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
• My girlfriend left me because I was obsessed with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.
• I played “Sweet Home Alabama” with my sister since I learned the guitar recently. Nothing happened.
• Did you know that Rick Astley only tunes his guitar up? Because he never lets it down.
• My girlfriend asked if I could play Wonderwall on the guitar. I said “maybe”.
• How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune? Evidently all of them.

Guitar jokes about money

• What is the difference between a savings bond and a guitarist? Eventually, a savings bond will mature and earn money.
• The m in guitarist stands for money.
• What’s the best way for a guitarist to make money? By selling their guitars!

Guitar jokes about metal music

• What do you call a metal statue of somebody playing an electric guitar? An iron maiden.
• What does a heavy metal musician use for birth control? His personality.
• What is an optimist? A heavy metal band with a beeper.
• What is a gentleman? Someone who knows how to play heavy metal music but doesn’t.
• Did you hear about the heavy metal player who locked his keys in the car? He had to break the window to let the drummer out!
• Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape heavy metal music.

Guitar jokes mentioning guitar brands or companies

• What happens when you cross a hyena with a guitar? You get a Yamaha ha ha ha ha!
• Guitar maker Fender has announced a new line of woodwind instruments coming soon, the Saxofender.
• A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her, “Are you a first off-Fender?”
• There’s a magician who can fold even the highest-quality guitars in half. He’s known as “the Fender bender.”
• The cops questioned my guitar because Someone told them it was a Fender.
• What’s the range of a Gibson Les Paul? Depends on how far you throw it.
• Oh, you play a fender? I prefer the Gibson for its unique tuning of E A D Gb B E.

Guitar jokes related to animals

• What do you call a cow that plays guitar? A moo-sician.
• What is a cat’s favorite song? Three Blind Mice.
• What’s the difference between an electric guitar player and a dog? The dog knows when to stop Howling.
• What’s a pigeon’s favorite guitar? A “coo” stick guitar.
• Why did the fish make such a good musician? He knew his scales.
• What kind of music do bunnies like? Hip Hop.
• What is the musical part of a snake? Its scales.
• What’s a cat’s favorite subject in school? MEWsic.
• What kind of musical instrument do rats play? Mouse organs.
• What is the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish? You can tune a guitar but you can’t tuna fish.
• What musical keys do cows sing in? Beef flat.
• What do you get when you cross a chicken with a guitar? A chicken that makes music when you pluck it!
• What’s the difference between a bull and an orchestra? The bull has the horns in front and the ass in the back.

Guitar player jokes about being in a band

• Hey buddy, how late does the band play? Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer and guitarist.
• Why did the chicken join the band? Because he had the drumsticks.
• My friends and I are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
• Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV? Too much sax and violins.
• Did you hear about the band made up of mermaids? They suck.
• Why are so many guitarists jokes one-liners? So the rest of the band can understand them.

Other music jokes unrelated to guitars

Guitarists are still musicians at the end of the day!

I say that because these next few jokes are not necessarily about guitar players, but they relate to mostly all people that make music in any way.

• Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they forgot the words.
• Why is a piano so hard to open? Because the keys are on the inside.
• What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base? A flat major.
• What do you call a musical insect? A humbug.
• What do clarinetists use for birth control? Their personalities.
• What makes songs but never sings? Notes.
• What’s the most musical bone? The trom-bone.
• What makes pirates such good singers? They can hit the high Cs.
• What do you call a guitar you inherit from your parents? An heir guitar.
• What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians? A drummer.
• Why did the tortilla chip start dancing? Because they put on the salsa.
• What is the most musical part of your body? Your nose, you can blow it and pick it.
• What did Jay-Z call his wife before they were married? Feyonce.
• What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor [miner].
• Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
• Why are violinists braver than guitarists? They never fret.
• What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test? Drool.
• What’s a golf club’s favorite type of music? Swing.
• What did Al Gore play on his guitar? An algorithm!
• What types of songs do planets sing? Nep-tunes.
• How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes four movements.
• What type of music are balloons afraid of? Pop music.
• Did you hear about the farmer who played guitar out in his cornfield? It was music to his heir.
• How many sound technicians does it take to change a lightbulb? One, two, three, one, two, three.
• Wanna hear a joke about a staccato? Never mind, it’s too short.
• How do you know when there’s a drummer at the door? His timing is terrible and he never knows when to come in!
• Why are concert intermissions limited to 20 minutes? So you won’t need to retrain the singers.
• What did the robbers take from the music store? The lute!
• I asked my father if he could leave his guitar collection to my children when he passes. He said that’s music to his heirs.
• What makes music on your head? A headband.
• Why did the singer climb a ladder? She wanted to reach the high notes!
• Asked a friend why he was licking his guitar. He said he had a good taste in music.

To complement this category of jokes, you should definitely watch this YouTube video.

Fred Armisen’s very specific brand of comedy will appeal to anyone who’s ever removed a wingnut from a cymbal, just like described in the video.

Aside from that, he also has some good jokes about guitars, and guitarists while doing live shows.

Fred Armisen Tells Jokes Only Musicians Will Understand | CONAN on TBS

Guitar jokes about food

• How do you get a musician off your front step? Finger Tied Pay for the pizza.
• What’s the difference between a musician and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.
• How do you get a guitar player off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza delivery.
• What’s an avocado’s favorite music? Guac ‘n’ roll.
• What’s a guitar’s favorite cheese? String cheese.
• What do you call strawberries playing the guitar? A jam session.

Best guitar jokes related to sports

• What do a guitar and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
• Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music? Because she broke the record.

Other uncategorized guitarist jokes

• “I play guitar”. That’s the joke.
• What’s the best thing to play on a guitar? Solitaire.
• Guitars are the most depressed instruments They’re always getting picked on.
• Saw an advert for a really quiet guitar on eBay. No strings attached.
• How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar? Nobody knows.
• The man asks: “What can I get for a dollar?” Devil: “You can become the greatest guitar player in the world.”
• What did the deadhead say when he ran out of pot? “God Almighty, this music sucks!”
• What’s the best thing to play the guitar with? A razor blade.
• What is a “nerd”? Someone who owns a classical guitar.
• How do you make your mom drive really fast? Put your guitar in the middle of the road.
• A guy with a guitar case at Heathrow Airport asks a man on the underground, “How do I get to the Royal Albert Hall?” The man answers, “practice”.
• What do you say to a guitarist in a suit? “Will the defendant please rise!”
• What’s Waluigi’s favorite guitar petal? The Cry Baby.
• I was cleaning one of my finger guns. I accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
• Marriage is like playing the guitar. It looks easy until you try it.
• What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise?”
• My wife likes to crochet and plays the guitar. She’s a real knit picker.

Offensive guitar jokes

These next few jokes are to be taken very lightly!

Not only are they meant to not insult anybody, but they’re a great way of laughing at ourselves as guitar players.

These are some of the best offensive guitar jokes on the internet:

• I just sold a guitar to a guy with no arms. I asked him why he wanted it and he said: “I’m going to play it by ear”.
• What do you throw a drowning guitarist? His case.
• What do they call a guitar solo in China? Too Ning.
• My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month. It’s part of her minstrel cycle.
• What’s the difference between a guitarist and garbage? The garbage gets taken out once a week.
• Why do guitarists leave their cases on the dashboard? So they can park in handicap spaces.
• What do all great guitarists have in common? They are all dead.
• How do you attract a US politician with just a guitar? B minor.
• Why bury guitar players 6 feet under? Because deep down, they’re all very nice people.

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